How to dress for job interviews

So, you are now a college graduate. Don’t party too hardy this summer. Your folks are not always going to be so smiling and the euphoria of a graduation ceremony wears off quickly, trust me. It is time for the almighty job interview. You don’t need me to coach you on what things to say. The knowledge and education you have gotten in school will (hopefully) impress your prospective boss. But unfortunately, unlike in my days, finishing schools are not so popular anymore. Result? More often than not, young men and women have no idea about the proper attire to succeed at the job interview. Don’t roll your eyes at me young lady. This is the real world we’re talking about and here’s a newsflash, they do judge a book by its cover. So here are some tips on how to impress on the surface:

DO get a new wardrobe. Just because you succeeded in running for class president or leading the sit-in at the dean’s office while wearing a Scooby-Doo T-Shirt, rumpled jeans and Birkenstocks scandals, that’s just not going to cut it in the job market. Of course you should tailor your outfit to the kind of job you are seeking. If it is a bank or a law office, I say suit suit suit! And lean on the conservative side. It will give you an air of responsibility and maturity that your 22 years may otherwise lack. If you are going to interview for a spot on a fashion magazine or advertising company, you can afford to be more hip… But no belly buttons showing please! (Leave that for the drunken Christmas office party!)

DO be wrinkle-free! For women, a crepe, lightweight wool or rayon-polyester blend drape nicely and stay relatively wrinkle-free. For men, choose worsted or lightweight wool with a tight weave for long-lasting wear and good looks.

DON’T over-accessorize: Jingle, Jangle, Jingle… What is that sound? Nope, it’s not your pockets ringing with the sound of money you will be making. It’s the cacophony of those damn annoying earrings, bracelets, necklaces and toe ring you have strapped to yourself as if you were going to star in a Madonna video circa. 1982! Please remember that no matter how qualified you are on paper, the person who is interviewing you is going to consider whether it will be mentally healthy for them to spend 8 hours a day with you running all over the office with the Jingle, Jangle, Jingle of those shoulder to wrist bracelets ringing in their ear. Do me a favor, keep the accessorizing to a discreet pair of pearl earrings, and for guys, a pair of cufflings will suffice (Take that metallic chain connecting your ear to your nose off, the eighties are over for Christ’sake!)

DON’T show up with tentacles…You know, pointy, red claws the size of a U-Boat. Not only is it tacky but it can look downright menacing. Keep those nails clean, short and neat. French manicure is excellent for women, and even men can get a manicure, why not? Like my mommy used to say, if you want to see the true character of a person, look under their fingernails!

DO keep your hair style simple: For women, if you have very long hair, I suggest pulling it back. There is nothing as distracting and annoying as those nervous ticks women have, constantly flipping their hair to and fro, twisting it in a knot, or worst, braiding it during the interview!!! For men, get rid of that ponytail you sported all throughout college. Hey, you’re not gonna show up with a hackysack either right? The job interview is very much like an acting audition. Any method actor will tell you that to get the part, you have to start by dressing the part.

DON’T try to be sexy: Employers nowadays are so afraid of litigation, they will show you the door promptly if there’s even a hint of a sexual harassment suit looming in the future. Women, leave that cleavage and booty-licious minis for the clubs. If you sit on the interview chair and your skirt suddenly becomes a belt, there’s a hint that it may be too short. Also, if you have to bend down to get your briefcase and your little boobies pop out, you may want to do up a button or ten. A place of employment requires some professionalism. If you are forever fidgeting with your skirt, trying desperately to stretch it down to your knees, for god’s sake woman, just buy a damn knee-length skirt to begin with! I am not saying you have to be dowdy, but you definitely have to forget about your outfit and just concentrate on your work, once you have entered your place of employment. For men, I have this simple advice: Dress exactly the opposite of how Erik Estrada would.

Voila, you should be all an image for your parents to swoon over by now, cute preppie young men and women straight out of a 1950s sitcom. Give them at least that, after all, they paid for your keg parties for four straight years!!!